so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
