don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
