omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Say something about gay babies.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
