Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I believe in your delicious
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
