Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
