8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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