btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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