just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
