He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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