If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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