Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
