just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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