Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
