I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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