btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
