this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
