my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
