Quick, to the slutcave!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
