I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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