Where did you get a picture of my penis
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
