"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize