the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
