Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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