i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
