I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
