Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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