Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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