1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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