"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
