he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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