Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
