Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize