He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
