Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
