wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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