i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Randomize