just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
