Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
