He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
