Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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