You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize