Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize