Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
