I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
