She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize