sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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