So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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