I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
