been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
