need another drink. this is the easiest way
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize