If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
