dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
