Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
