She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
