Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
