Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
