Screwed.edu
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bring money and cleavage
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
