He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
