it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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