3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
