I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
