the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
