Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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