i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
