I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The uberlube is also flammable
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
