At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
